Me Time…

…and no, I’m not referring to that kinda ‘me time’, not the pamper-myself and just -being-alone kinda ‘me time’. I don’t recall when last I had one of those to be honest… I’m just realising that it’s waaaayyy overdue.

Anyway, the me time I am referring to right now, right now at 2:20am, Saturday, 15 September, is the one I’m more familiar with, the more regular one. The one where I wake at ridiculous hours of the morning and simply just lay awake. Feeling tired but yet, wide awake at the same time. Mind working overtime, never anything specific, but touching on absolutely everything. Super fucking annoying.

I can’t even mention one thing I’m currently thinking of at this point, because it’s difficult to sieve through. But just to clarify, they’re are not just bad thoughts or ridiculous ones, not just things-to-do lists running through my head, or wondering whether I’m doing the right thing in almost every aspect of my life, I do have some good thoughts too, creeping inbetween the mess, they are a bit harder to find but they are there. These sleepless nights/early mornings creates my mind to feel like a jumbled ball of craziness, bouncing all over the place, unable to stop. The only way out, is to wait until it mentally drains me so much that there’s nothing left to do, but fall asleep. So it becomes a waiting game, I feel like an expert at it, lol, I just go with it, because I know it has to come to a halt, some time. I’m quite optimistic, if you think about it, lol, seeing the bigger picture, knowing the end result or game, which in this case is….sleep. Quite funny though and I’m grateful to find some sort of humor in the situation, I do believe if I didn’t, I would most certainly be an exhausted, miserable, grumpy ol’ biatch ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ or wait….that does kinda sound like me! ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m sure my boyfriend would agree ๐Ÿคซ๐Ÿคญ

….

Second week in my new job, done and dusted. Time is really flying but I’m not having fun ๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m getting to know more people and feeling more comfortable. After being at my previous company for many years, I have realised that, I have been molded in a certain way, without me realizing it, until now. I’ve been making comparisons as to what and how we did things then to how I’m expecting it to be done now ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ other than that, I’ve kinda started taking on basic work functions, and it does feel good. Brain is being stimulated and my hours are not feeling that dragged out and long anymore. This week has already gone faster than my first week.

Grateful for this job. Grateful to be learning new things. Grateful that certain things seem to be falling into place. Grateful for life and it’s many blessings. Even grateful for these sleepless nights because this is when I do most of my thinking, most of my realisations comes into play, epiphanies occur at these ludicrous hours. Quiet time. Me time. My kinda ‘me-time’.

Working 9 to 5

I made it! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿฝ

Made it through my first 40 hour work week!

Thank You Lord! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ Thank You for always carrying me through and being with me every step of the way ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ I could not have done this without You โ™ฅ๏ธ

The week was tedious, and only because I’m not doing the actual work, as yet. Currently still getting to know what my role entails, so been sitting with my team, asking questions and gaging what is required of me. Familiarising myself with the process and procedures of the business and the job.

Interesting stuff.

Then again…anything new and fresh, is always exciting, so I’ll admit, I’m keen on getting the ball rolling. No way I can sit and do nothing again next week, I’ll go mental. The day just takes way too long to pass ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ

Lord may I remain constant in my eagerness to learn new things ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ

Be teachable. Always.

Guess what’s tomorrow??? ๐Ÿ˜

……….

S A T U R D A Y ! ! ! โค

My best day of my week.

Day by Day

I know I’m not constant with my posts and don’t intend to be, as I’ve decided when I started this blog, that I won’t be conforming to what is perhaps redeemed as the necessary requirements of blogging.

So I’ll just post as and when I feel I have something I’d like to share, with whoever might be interested in reading. Thank you to those who do ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ

Only midweek and this week has been somewhat busy and eventful…not busy as in the me being out there and being in undated with errands to run kind of busy, but in the me being way more busy than usual kind of way….

Firstly, it’s a brand new month, brand new season. Spring has sprung and so has all the pollen and dust ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ Hello season of allergies! ๐Ÿ™‹๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ Just last week I read a brief article on the severity of allergies we will be experiencing in this part of the world…and lucky me…Cape Town is on high alert for allergy sufferers, and especially asthmatics.

Secondly, I started working…brand new job, after being an entrepreneur for 1 year and 7 months (which is something I’m still currently working on) at Sable International. These 3 days have been fairly good, people seem nice, most of them and the atmosphere within the company is good too. So that’s a bonus!

Then today, Wednesday, midweek, hump day and what we in Cape Town refer to as ladies night and pineapple night, lol, my man and I are celebrating our 6 month courtship. Feels more like 6 years to be honest ๐Ÿ™„ the hard work we’ve been putting in to make our already good relationship even better, surely deserves medals, diamond encrusted ones. It hasn’t been easy but it surely has been worth it. We learn every day and try to combat what creates unnecessary unpleasantness, as well as, the devil, who is always just waiting on the sideline ready to attack something/one that’s/who’s in a good space or phase. Like,

don’t you have something better to do with your time devil!? ๐Ÿ˜’

That’s the good news,… but then on the flip side we have these brutal and senseless attacks and murders on women and children in our country. It’s extremely disturbing, and as a woman, I can’t help to start feeling fearful for my life. I just don’t want to be out there and I most definitely don’t want to be alone anywhere, not even in my own home, which is supposed to be your place of security, where you feel the safest and are the most protected, but no longer. I had a chat with a friend of mine earlier, who had a date with a long time school friend of his tonight, however because of all the unrest and danger and because of his principles, he cancelled, due to his female friend having to drive home alone after their date. She posted something on social media, to the effect of, not even the decent ones can be trusted and surely he took offense to this. What he did was admirable, hands down. But she can’t be blamed either. Women are going to be extremely cautious when it comes to trusting men, too fearful to go out on dates, too afraid to be alone in the same space with a man or men. This is sad because not all men disregard the lives of innocent women and children.

What’s happening to our people? What’s happening to our world?

I pray that these perpetrators get what they so rightfully deserve. Our country is in mourning. You can actually feel the sadness and tension in the air.

Pray for South Africa. Pray for our women and children. Pray for the World.

Saturday – My Favourite Day โ™ฅ๏ธ

Aaahhh Saturdays ๐Ÿ˜Š surely my best day of the week. I feel there’s no pressure on this day. No pressure to do or not to do. It’s the easiest day of the week for me and I’ll choose it again and again โ™ฅ๏ธ

This Saturday our exact plan didn’t pan out as we envisioned. However, we stuck to our guns and went along with what we chose to be our ‘day date’ and I’m so happy we did. It was so easy for us to not proceed with what we had planned, as we were in such a relaxed bubble. The weather didn’t really participate and we were slightly delayed by perhaps a few hours, for our fish and chips picnic along the promenade date. We ended up devouring it, in the car, watching the waves crash against the rocks and having some good laughs and chats. It was a good day and as I said, happy we went along with it. Just a reminder of how suddenly things can change and of how it’s never really our plans. We made the best of this day and now I’m in bed, grateful to God for blessing us with this beautiful, easy day, filled with so much love and care and happiness.

The picture I attached doesn’t do justice to the beautiful city we live in, but felt the need to take a quick snap as we drove back home.

It was a good day to have a good day…

IPDE – Identify, Predict, Decide, Execute

Not feeling happy today. Feeling annoyed. Not anxious. Not frustrated. Not depressed. Not anything other than annoyed. Like…get out of my face and don’t even speak to me annoyed. I’m battling to deal with this persistent annoyance I have, that suddenly appears, unexpectedly. I’m not being mindful to it, I’m just allowing myself to go with it and it to go with me. I’m not resisting it and it takes complete control over me and my actions, words and emotions. This is a problem. It makes me waste so much ‘happy’ time. It creates unnecessary conflict between myself and almost everyone. Especially and almost always the ones closest and dearest to my heart โ™ฅ๏ธ Why is it always easier to lash out at the people you love and who loves you Meriza?! ๐Ÿคจ Baffles me every time. Why on earth would you want to create unpleasantness between you and those people, Meriza?! ๐Ÿค” Because when you finally do realise that you were shitty, you kinda feel embarrassed and it takes a while to get back to the ‘good’ space you were in with that person/s. So, the one thing I am aware of, is that it’s a complete waste of time (I feel good about knowing this, because it’s a step closer to making necessary changes). Time you could have spent on being happy and feeling good, instead of being an asshole and then still taking more time to repair the damage you caused! ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ Now I need to learn how to put a pause on it, or stop it altogether (dependent on the situation of course ๐Ÿ˜) to avoid all the fast-approaching awkwardness which is certain to happen.

We live and we learn… right?

Turn of Events…

Crying on a Sunday night is not what I expected to be doing, after the enjoyable weekend I had with wonderful people who I consider to be, my other family…

But coming home to discover things were not so great whilst I was out having a ball, alas!

I’m a procrastinater of note, and I have some serious moves to make, the thing is I always know what I’m supposed to be doing, but often find it extremely hard to actually do it. Why? Because I’m always considerate of others, always putting everyone else first and neglecting myself and what’s good and right for me. I need to be selfish. We all need to start doing this at some point in our lives, it may sound like a horrible thing to say or do, but I do believe it only brings about goodness and wellbeing to and for your soul.

Remember, You can’t pour from an empty cup…

I’m super emotional at this point. When I have moments like these, which is every so often, but way less than before, I remind myself that tomorrow will be better… it just has to be. I find if I think it, I believe it, and when the morning comes, I achieve it.

It’s crazy how situations can change in an instant, nothing is ever permanent and I’ve learnt and discovered this in a hard way. But I’m constantly learning to deal with it better than I have before by figuring out what works for me as I go along.

Self healing is really important. I’m a work in progress.

I wish you well on your journey of self healing, for whatever it may be that you are or wanting to heal from…always remember that, slow progress is still progress

May you be stronger and more determined for the week ahead โ™ฅ๏ธ

Reminiscent and Reflective Saturdays

I woke this morning, with only just a blocked nose…until I literally saw clouds of dust floating in the outside air, due to the new owners of the house next door, commencing with some serious home renovations. And there goes my hope of my allergies clearing up today ๐Ÿ˜”But…besides waking to the noise and dust…I too woke to a message from a special friend saying this,

I was thinking now how u always were so postive in the workplaceEven though u had your own personal shitAltyd die sele mens (always the same person)They don’t make them like u anymore

These words made me feel valued. It brought tears to my eyes. I don’t think we realise what we put out there. I don’t think we are fully aware of the impact we have on others, whether it be our words or actions, whether it be good or bad. I was just being myself, I don’t believe in pretense, I’m not a good pretender. Pretense is fake. And I don’t do fake.So waking up to words like these, from a lady who was once just a colleague but who is now a very close friend, made me feel good and so I knew I was set out to have a good day. We haven’t seen each other in about a year and a half, but we will forever remain friends and I know when we do see each other again, we will just continue where we left off. I appreciate her. She loves and accepts me for who I am. These are the friendships I believe everyone needs and should have, the ones that are not demanding and expectant, the ones that flow naturally without no pressure from either party. True and genuine friendships are so hard to come by, I’ve learnt and discovered through my journey thus far, so the few that I do have, I cling to, tightly.

My morning was about thinking back on where I was and how far I’ve come. How much life changes as time passes. How we evolve. But it made me realise how constant I’ve been in my attitude and personality and what I’ve been unknowingly putting out there into this world, and I’m happy with it because it seems to be light and love and life, happiness and positivity. How can I ever go wrong with that?

Quality above quantity. Always.

Allergies

It’s freakin’ obvious that Spring is a few days away! I’ve been lying awake since 2h45 this morning. It is now 7h50. Yes, I’m currently unemployed, and that’s why I can still be laying so lekker in my bed. Whilst you losers are either stuck in traffic or already sitting at your desks, hopefully working.
But wait I went completely off topic, I was telling you that my hayfever has been terrible for a full day now. I know you can relate if you’re an allergy sufferer. I feel like total shyte. Non stop sneezing, blocked nose, water running constantly from my nose, which we all ‘nose’ is snot I’m referring to (lol see what I did there?)

I published one post a few years back. I didn’t know what to blog about in all honesty. Thought I might have required a degree of some sort in order to proceed, perhaps journalism, but I’m actually a fairly good writer if I say so myself and just this morning, after 4, I WhatsApped my boyfriend (at 39 y/o, are we still allowed to use the term boyfriend?)and even I had to reread what I typed out, because it was that damn good. He then complimented me on my writing skills and said I should write a book, or a poem or start a blog…so here I am.

I’m not going to pretend to be a journalist or author/writer, I’m only going to be as raw, as everyone who knows me to be, as I can be.

Be patient. It’s virtuous.

New Beginnings

Here we go…

I’m no journalist, very far from it. My first language is English, so I’m sure that whoever ends up reading this, will understand. Afterall, English is the universal language, or is it?

Moving along…I signed up and created this WordPress account about a year ago and because of this new journey I am embarking on, I thought perhaps it’s time to give it a go.

So…I request some patience as I’ve never done anything like this before. Eek!

Just some insight into my world, my experiences, my aims and the difficulties I encounter on a daily basis. However, I do hope that there will he some highlights, fun and excitement amongst the doom and gloom I will be sharing with whoever is prepared to ‘listen’, well, in this case read.

My aim is to keep it short and simple. So for now, this is it.

Until next time

xo