…and no, I’m not referring to that kinda ‘me time’, not the pamper-myself and just -being-alone kinda ‘me time’. I don’t recall when last I had one of those to be honest… I’m just realising that it’s waaaayyy overdue.
Anyway, the me time I am referring to right now, right now at 2:20am, Saturday, 15 September, is the one I’m more familiar with, the more regular one. The one where I wake at ridiculous hours of the morning and simply just lay awake. Feeling tired but yet, wide awake at the same time. Mind working overtime, never anything specific, but touching on absolutely everything. Super fucking annoying.
I can’t even mention one thing I’m currently thinking of at this point, because it’s difficult to sieve through. But just to clarify, they’re are not just bad thoughts or ridiculous ones, not just things-to-do lists running through my head, or wondering whether I’m doing the right thing in almost every aspect of my life, I do have some good thoughts too, creeping inbetween the mess, they are a bit harder to find but they are there. These sleepless nights/early mornings creates my mind to feel like a jumbled ball of craziness, bouncing all over the place, unable to stop. The only way out, is to wait until it mentally drains me so much that there’s nothing left to do, but fall asleep. So it becomes a waiting game, I feel like an expert at it, lol, I just go with it, because I know it has to come to a halt, some time. I’m quite optimistic, if you think about it, lol, seeing the bigger picture, knowing the end result or game, which in this case is….sleep. Quite funny though and I’m grateful to find some sort of humor in the situation, I do believe if I didn’t, I would most certainly be an exhausted, miserable, grumpy ol’ biatch 🤦🏽♀️ or wait….that does kinda sound like me! 🙈😂 I’m sure my boyfriend would agree 🤫🤭
Second week in my new job, done and dusted. Time is really flying but I’m not having fun 😂 I’m getting to know more people and feeling more comfortable. After being at my previous company for many years, I have realised that, I have been molded in a certain way, without me realizing it, until now. I’ve been making comparisons as to what and how we did things then to how I’m expecting it to be done now 🤦🏽♀️ other than that, I’ve kinda started taking on basic work functions, and it does feel good. Brain is being stimulated and my hours are not feeling that dragged out and long anymore. This week has already gone faster than my first week.
Grateful for this job. Grateful to be learning new things. Grateful that certain things seem to be falling into place. Grateful for life and it’s many blessings. Even grateful for these sleepless nights because this is when I do most of my thinking, most of my realisations comes into play, epiphanies occur at these ludicrous hours. Quiet time. Me time. My kinda ‘me-time’.